we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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