he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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