There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
