I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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