Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
