I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
