oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
