Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
