I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh god it's open bar.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize