I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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