overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
