somebody snuck up and got me drunk
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
