I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
