Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
FUCK WHALES
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm having to shit out rocks
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