I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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