walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
