never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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