I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she pinky promised me she was 18
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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