I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
