Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize