i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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