remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
