We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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