life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
