Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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