I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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