The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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