guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
