I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
