I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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