I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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