If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
