we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize