i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
