I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
