God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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