We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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