Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
