Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
