i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
