You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
