Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
