I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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