What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
