I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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