I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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