i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
