please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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