You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
