I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
