I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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