dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
