Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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