She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
