I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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