Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
