how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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