i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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