If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
