I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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