I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
