Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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