if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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